I was so excited and anxious all at once. I felt my blood pumping and as little hair as I now have on my head falling, it was my first night... My inauguration night to this year's
Thessaloniki International Film Festival and I had invited both
Nassia and
Chris from school. I told them they shouldn't miss this movie...
First time I saw
Taxidermia vaguely referenced was last year on
Twitch. The site which is dedicated to the bizarre and off-shore films. Back then it was just a mock-up poster and some words about it and
György Pálfi, the Hungarian director behind previous "hit"
Hukkle. Later came the
trailer...
What I did mention to both my friends was that the movie had
a plot that went like that:
Three generations of men, the grandfather, the father, and the son, each one... unique. You have to come with me! There will be taxidermy, fast eating competitions and... flaming penises! Would
YOU miss out on this freak show? I won them over, they came and we rushed to find good seats. The movie began that very moment and it played out like a script in three stages, each dedicated to one of the men.
The grandfather is a hare-lipped soldier serving a bully lieutenant,
who... "graced" us with his penis, which came out spurting fire. Staying in a shack in the cold of winter, he day- (and night) dreams of potential sexual intercourse with one of the females living in the nearby house. Not to ruin your own entertainment, I'll suffice to say that during this segment
there is bestiality, graphic scenes of sex (see
Nassia? Porn!! Who needs porn when he has Taxidermia!),
pigslaughter and violence.His son, born with a curly pig's tail, is
an obese man competing in fast eating in communist Hungary. Brace your seats cause you're in for some
nasty images of fat, disgusting vomit. He's also competing for the heart of an obese woman, a champion in competitions of the same sort. By now, it wasn't just the tail that was curled (it was cut don't worry), I saw
Nassia curled up to the side trying to force herself to continue watching this... "
stupidity".
And last,
the "athlete's" son, who's everything unlike his father. Deadly skinny, he is
a professional taxidermist (rejoice everyone! this segment wraps the story and
binds everything together... if you know what I mean...) providing his father, now a monstrous blob unable to walk, reminding me of
Jabba the Hutt from the Star Wars legend, with endless amounts of chocolate eaten with their wrappers... He also buys margarine to feed some gigantic cats his father wants to someday train for eating... This part is where the real fun begins,
mutilation, entrails galore, taxidermy... And chocolate wrappers lest we forget!
As a whole, I enjoyed this film. I screamed "
yuck" in more than one scenes and a lady next to
Chris held her eyes closed for the better part of the third segment.
Nassia was looking at me with evil scornful eyes saying "
you owe me big time"... I guess you can all deduce who liked it. What I kept saying was "
The cinematography is great!" and all I got as responses was a grunt... Oh well, if you are willing to watch this try to control your gag reflexes and get ready to laugh your heart out, avert your eyes in pain and disgust and wonder... What was this film's message?
Let me introduce myself. I am Eisenheim. The Illusionist. And this... is my story. I grew up wanting to be someone special, for myself, for her. But everywhere and everytime, we were not meant to be together. Obstacles, in many shapes and forms... One of them, the greatest for me to overcome. Now, I want to master all kinds of magic. Step up if you please, give me a handkerchief. And thus, I shall begin. Watch as the orange tree grows and the magic unfurls. How my story unfolds. How my love's still strong. Please, please, calm down. My intention surely is not to be accused of fraud. So keep in mind... Everything you will see here. It's a trick... It's an illusion...
